Ariel has never been so annoying. I want to throw her. I can feel the dust going in my nose, she needs to be taken a bath. All my sheets needs to be washed. This room needs to be cleaned. My hair needs to be different because it looks fucking stupid. I look fucking retarded. I look REALLY fucking retarded because of my hair. My body is just getting awful. I need to exercise. I need hair again so something can cover my face. That’s why people liked me more then. It was cuz my face was being covered more. Now that I have cut my hair short, I’ve lost it. I feel better this way and instead of others liking it with me they kind are just ‘Erghm…’ So you can’t imagine how much more I feel like shit. Before I didn’t feel good and now I do but that do has become a did because a lot of people were making me feel like I shouldn’t have done it, It doesn’t look good, I can’t believe you actually like this.. I’m right back where I was before I cut my hair. Feeling completely hideous and needing change. I almost cut all my hair off earlier. I would have still had hair but It wouldn’t have been as long as the stupid retarded top is now.. I don’t know what to do. I want to kill my self because I am completely unsatisfied with literally, EVERYTHING. I feel more and more that I should just kill my self everyday. I think about it everyday. Who do I have to go to that i’m gonna feel okay with telling? Who I want to go to is just going to make fun of me. She is just probably going to give me complete and utter SHIT for being sad. How can I feel comfortable with her when she’s probably just going to make fun of me and get annoyed that I feel sad and want to kill my self. That all just makes me even more sad. She’s who I want to go to confide in. To make me feel better. She’s already made me feel like I can’t go to her. I’m never going to be able to be my self. My self is completely fucked up and broken. No one is ever gonna have the desire to make me feel amazing because they think i am amazing and/or want me and only me. Who can when i’m just a depressed twat that wants to smoke weed all day.
I tell Tumblr. Tumblr wont give me shit for being sad. But Tumblr wont make me feel any better from being sad. I’m still going to try because I can’t rely everything on one day.. I hope this bull shit doesn’t continue. I don’t want to die, entirely.
